Yahrzeit Candle on the Birthday?

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Tanta Golda,

I read your blog about lighting Yahrzeit candles (Oct ’10) and I was wondering: can I light a candle to honor my deceased father’s birthday?

Dutiful Daughter

Dearest Dutiful,

What a lovely question! To answer let us first look at why we light Yahrzeit candles in the first place. It is believed that the candle represents the soul of the departed which is never extinguished in our hearts. Like the flame of a candle, a human life is fragile and should be nourished and cherished. As it says in Proverbs, "The soul of man is the candle of G-d."

In other words, we light the candles so that every time we see the flame we are reminded of our loved ones. There is no prohibition that Tanta Golda can find against lighting a candle in addition to the traditional times (anniversary of their passing, erev Yom Kippur, and the conclusion of the three pilgrimage holidays: Sukkot, Pesach, & Shavuot.) I can see nothing wrong with wanting to honor and remember your father on his birthday by lighting a Yahrzeit candle. Yahrzeit candles 

May their memories be a blessing - Tanta G

Where did the Star of David Come From?

Dear Tanta Golda,

A friend of mine asked me a question the other day and I was embarrassed to realize I didn’t know the answer! What does the Star of David represent, and why is it on the Israeli flag?

Hoping to Save Face

Dear Hoping,

Don’t be so hard on yourself my dear, that’s what Jewish mothers are for!

The star of David, or Magen David you may be surprised to learn, has no religious significance. It isn’t even mentioned in rabbinic literature until the Middle Ages. It is  however, an ancient symbol that was used by a number of cultures including Christians and Muslims. In the Middle East and North Africa the symbol of intertwined equilateral triangles is thought to be a symbol of good luck.

Some Kabbalists, who are always looking for hidden meaning in things, have proffered that the six points represent God’s presence everywhere - in the six cardinal directions: up, down, north, south, east, and west. (The same reason we shake the luluv in these directions during Sukkot.) They also believe the two triangles themselves symbolize humanity’s dual nature - good and evil. Think of it as the Jewish ying-yang.

Now of course other scholars have other ideas: that the upward triangle points towards God, and the downward towards the real world. Some say that the intertwining of the triangles show the inseparability of the Jewish people. Others point to the twelve sides as representing the twelve tribes of Israel. It’s amazing the symbolism one can find when one is searching for meaning!

There is a midrash, a Jewish Aesop fable of sorts, that when King David was a teen he fought King Nimrod. On his shield were two interlocking triangles. During the heat of the battle these fused together reinforcing the shield, enabling him to win the day. Such a lovely visual of strength! 

According to Tanta Golda’s sources, sometime in the 17^th century the Magen David started to become a way to distinguish the Jewish part of town, and began to be used to denote synagogues, much the way a cross indicates a church.

On the less pleasant side of our discussion, Hitler was not the first to employ the use of the star as a means to single out Jews. During the lovely Middle Ages it was not uncommon that Jews had to wear some kind of identifying badge. Often stars, but I should point out, not always.

When the Israeli flag was designed there was some controversy because of its recent negative association with the Holocaust. And, there are those who feel that the star is a trifle, not really a Jewish symbol, and therefore shouldn’t be on the flag!

Bubbelah, let me end on a lighter note by sharing a little bit of Magen David trivia:

-In the 1950’s Heathrow airport had six runways that were laid out… you guessed it, in the pattern of the Magen David, each a little over a mile long!

-The largest Star of David is….a building on the Smokey Hills Weapons Range in Kansas. Or so Wikipedia claims.

-And finally, in 2007 an Israeli flag was unfurled near Masada, breaking the World’s Record as the largest flag ever recorded!    

Much love as always - Tanta Golda

Why Should You Convert in the Reform Stream?

Dear Tanta Golda-

I’ve become friends with two gentlemen who wish to convert, but I’ve been wrestling with the process they must go through. If only ultra-orthodox conversions are accepted in Israel and even in some of our own Jewish communities, why should a person convert in Reform Judaism? Why do we insist that they be more versed in Judaism than many who are born Jewish?
Struggling with Old Fashioned Conformity

My darling Struggler,
I’m glad that you have welcomed these proselytes, newcomers to our faith. A mitzvah on your head!
You have challenged Tanta Golda’s assumptions, so I’ve spent some time reviewing an excellent book on contemporary Reform practice – Jewish Living, by Mark Washofsky, for guidance on this question from your heart.

Even among the Reform, one does not become a Jew merely by declaring, “I am a Jew” or “I accept the Jewish religion.” One must either be born or become a Jew through a process recognized and administered by the community. It might help you to think of an analogy to citizenship.  Just because someone “feels” American and participates in many American traditions, even if they have a green card, they are still barred from participating in all the rights and obligations (such as voting) that someone “natural born,” or one who has completed the formal process of naturalization, is entitled to. Converstion is our form of naturalization. 

We ask the proselyte to undergo a formal process whose rituals evoke the experience of the Israelites at Sinai when we as a community accepted the Torah and all its laws. In a sense we all became converts at Sinai.

The Torah recognized that the ger-the stranger amongst us often does take part in some aspects of Judaism, and when they do “the same law applies to them as the Israelite.” However, the Torah also demands that we guarentee them justice. This very requirement testifies to their inequality in Jewish society - even Reform Jewish society.

Long ago there was a term - Ger Toshav - which refered to a gentile who had adopted a number of Jewish practices without converting. Jewish law no longer recognizes this semi-proselyte as a status. There have been some proposals in Reform circles to bring it back, to recognize the reality that exists within our congregations today, where non-Jewish relatives are not ‘outsiders’ but play an active role in our communities. I’m sure you can think of a number of examples within the TBI community.

However, Reform reponsa (written decisions and rulings given by scholars of Jewish law) do not accept this. Citing two reasons: 1) the term no longer has meaning as it applies to any monotheist -this was a bigger deal in ancient times when the term was first coined  2) this term for the ‘virtual Jew’ implies that they have the rights and obligations to participate equally, but except perhaps in the rare Reform syangogue, they don’t. These full rights come from full membership - just like your right to vote and serve on a jury come from full membership as a US citizen.

Continueing with the citizen analogy - are there ‘natural born’ US citizens who are all but ignorant of US history, the workings of government, or even how to read, write, and speak English well? Of course, just as there are ‘natural born’ Jews ignorant of Jewish history, rituals, and language. Yet in both cases these people are granted full rights and previlages just by virtue of birth. Should it be otherwise?  Well, this question is outside of Tanta Golda’s scope of advice! You have raised excellent questions and I hope I’ve given you guidance in your struggle. TG

Naming Ritual for Girls

Dear Tanta Golda,

A cute young couple at our Temple recently gave birth to a daughter, and I was wondering what rituals there are for baby girls? I’ve heard something about a naming ceremony. Does it have to be done on the eighth day like the Brit Milah ceremony for boys?
Marveling at the Miracle of Birth

My darling Marveling,

Mazel Tov to the parents of the newborn! 

Let’s begin with some wisdom from the Rabbis. In the Torah it says that Abraham was blessed with “everything.” According to the Talmud (baba batra 16a) this means that Abraham had a daughter. Why does ‘everything’ mean he had a daughter? Because, according to Rabbi Shraga Simmons, a daughter represent the fullness of life. Celebrating a daughter is the celebration of Jewish survival.

The Talmud also says that an angel comes to every Jewish parent and whispers the Jewish name the new daughter will embody, so her name is divinely inspired! 

But you asked about rituals and ceremonies, which I will explain in two parts: Ashkenazi and Sephardic traditions.

Among the Ashkenazi, it is tradition for the father to be called up for an aliyah (the honor of reciting the blessings before and after a Torah reading) at the synagogue the first Shabbat after a girl is born. At this time a Mi Sheberach prayer is also said for the mother’s health and the name of their daughter is recited. Since the Torah can only be read in the presence of a minyon (group of at least ten adults), the naming becomes an honor shared with the community.  Among the conservative stream, some additional rituals have developed. These may involve a) lighting 7 candles – representing the 7 days of creation, b) wrapping the girl in the four corners of a tallit, and/or c) lifting her up and touching her hands to a Torah scroll. In the Reform community, a baby naming ceremony involving both parents is often celebrated thirty days after the birth. Of course Tanta Golda’s sources all say something slightly different. One says that the congregation honors the parents with a kiddush (refreshments) after a service, while another says that it is customary for the parents of the newborn to sponsor a special kiddush for the congregation within the year. Both of these are a way for the parents to celebrate the gift they’ve been given and gives the community an opportunity to give their blessings to the child and family.

The Sephardic customs seem to be fairly similar. The ceremony is called a zeved habat  (literally - gift of the daughter.) A prayer of Thanksgiving is given either by or for the mother, the Song of Songs is receited - 2:14, and if it is their first daughter 6:9 is also said, then a slightly different version of the MiSheberach is said during which their daughter is named. This is often followed by a formal feast.

The biggest difference has to do with naming traditions. The Sephardic community has the custom of naming a child in honor of a living relative, in the hopes that the newborn will form a bond with their namesake and learn from their example. The Ashkenazi however, never name a child after someone living. So, it is very rare to find someone named after their father. Some of this is based on superstition - it is feared that the angel of death may be confused and come for the wrong individual! A child doesn’t necessarily have to have the exact same name. Sometimes the child shares the initial letter or sound with the relative being remembered. For example, Tanta Golda’s son is named Joshua after his grandmother Joan.

Please note that throughout I have used the word tradition.  There is no biblical injunction pertaining to the birth of a daughter. (Once again we see the male bias in the ancient world.) These are customs that have developed over time in response to a desire by parents and the community to honor the importance of welcoming daughters into the covenant. As the Talmud says, though not in so many words, without daughters there would be no continuation of the Jewish people.

May the couple’s newest addtion bring them more joy than tsuris (woe, aggrevation)! I hope the congregation has the opportunity to honor them (and her big sister) and welcome their daughter into the community soon.

Love, TG

How Long IS a Torah Scroll?

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Dear Tanta Golda,

At our Simchat Torah celebration last week we unrolled the whole Torah. We had to go around our modest sanctuary two and a half times to do this! This got me to wondering - how long is a Torah scroll?

Just Wondering

My wonderful Wondering one,

What an interesting question! And, as it turns out, not as easy to answer as you might think!

Initially Tanta Golda thought, “Surely, this will be easy to find in the age of the Internet.” Oy. Three of my sources gave very definitive sounding answers. All different! How definitive is that?

The best answer I can give you is: somewhere between 112 and 148 feet.

A lot has to do with the sofer, the Torah scribe who handwrites a particular scroll, and the  type of script they use. Just like the fonts on your computer, different Torah scripts fill the space on the parchment differently.

Maimonides - also known as Rambam (1135-1204) laid out what he felt should be the standard dimensions for a Torah scroll: The entire scroll should be six handbreadths (= 24 inches) tall. The length of a page should be 17 fingers (a finger equalling about one inch.) The scroll that he wrote was 1366 fingers long, or about 112 feet. Some sofer follow these measurements, but it is not halacha (law) and it would seem there are no required measurements.

A typical Torah scroll is made up of 62-84 sheets of parchment made from the skin of any kosher animal (except fish, apparently no amount of curing can get the smell out!) Most (Ashkenazi) Torah scrolls contain 42 lines per sheet - Yemenite Jews use 50. Each scroll contains exactly 304,805 letters - each written with precision, by hand, with a feather quill. A special quill is used specifically to write G-d’s four letter name. If an error is made, it can be “erased” with a knife or pumice stone, unless it is any of the names of G-d. If one of these is miswritten the entire sheet of parchment must either be buried or stored in a special kosher storage area. The sheets are sewn together with sinew (tendon or ligament) from a kosher animal. It usually takes close to a year to write a scroll.

According to one of Tanta Golda’s sources, most Torah scrolls are about two feet tall and weigh 20-25 pounds.

I’m sorry Wondering that I can’t be more exact. The next time your Temple’s Torah is re-scrolled you should ask someone to measure the length of a sheet and count how many sheets were used to make your scroll!

May you find joy in your continued Torah studies!

Love as always, Tanta Golda

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Simchat Torah

Tanta Golda,

Would you please explain what Simchat Torah is? I keep getting confused with another one, but I can’t remember which!

Already Confused

My darling Already,

I’m happy to explain Simchat Torah! Simchat Torah literally means “rejoicing in the Torah.” It is a day when we celebrate reading the very last bit of the last book of the Torah, Deuteronomy, and begin reading the first book - Genesis, all over again! 

Sometime in the 8^th century, people more learned than Tanta Golda, established the one year cycle of reading the Torah. Before that, some communities, especially those living in Palestine, spread it out over three years, while the Babylonian Jews did it in one.

It is a very joyous occassion, marked most notably by removing the Torah(s) from the Ark and carrying them around the synagogue 7 times. It is great fun, and an honor, to help with this hakafot (circuit). Often songs are sung and flags are waved. My sources speculate that the reason for the flags has to do with a connection with the twelve tribes, each of which had their own banner to mark their area of encampment.

In some congregations all the children who have not yet reached bat/bar mitzvah age are called up for a group aliyah. A tallis - or several - is spread over their heads, and the rabbi gives them a special blessing. This symbolizes the joy of study we want all our youth to have. 

Some liken Simchat Torah to the joy one feels at a wedding, in fact the person who reads from Deuteronomy is called the chatan Torah, the bridegroom of the Torah, and the person who reads from Genesis is called the chatan Bershit, the bridegroom of Genesis.

Simcaht Torah closes out the High Holy Day season which begins at Rosh Hashannah, and continues through Yom Kippur and Sukkot - when we dwell under a sukkah for 7-8 days celebrating the harvest - but that’s another column!

May you all be written in the Book of Life for a sweet, round year! Tanta Golda

It's Time to Return

Dear Tanta Golda,

I know that the High Holy Days are coming up and I was wondering, what is the big deal about ‘returning’? We sing a song about returning and everything. I mean, are we joyful because some people return to Temple for the holidays? It seems odd to make such a big deal about this.

Nefesh Nettie

My lovely Nefesh,

Let me start by saying, we’re always glad to see our brothers and sisters at services, but no, we’re not singing about them. Just because they rarely call and never write...oh wait, that’s Tanta Golda’s grandchildren.

On a serious note: During the month of Elul - the month leading up to Rosh Hashanah, we are supposed to take time to reflect back on the year and thing about what we could improve upon. This self reflection opens us up to recognizing that there are people we have wronged. (No, don’t try to justify it, you shouldn’t have called your brother a ‘stupid head’. Name calling isn’t nice.) This month is considered a propitious time to ask forgiveness from those we have wronged.

This process of repentance, asking forgiveness is called teshuvah, which literally means “return”. Where are we returning to? We are returning our souls to a state of cleanliness. It is a way of restoring balance to our relationships with the people in our lives and with G-d.

Now, some people, who’s names I won’t mention, are under the impression that one is squared up by just showing up at High Holy Day services. This is not the case. One must 1. admit that you’ve wronged someone, 2. feel sincere remorse, 3. do everything you can to make things right, and 4. really intend never to commit that offense again.

For wrongs we commit against people we are obligated to approach them and ask their forgiveness. This is no easy task! Tanta Golda has found it easier with family, but in her many years on the planet she has to admit that she has not done such a good job of doing this with others! 

Now, any sane person would ask, “What if I get my nerve up to go ask forgiveness and the person says ‘no!’” Well, my naughty Nefesh, you are supposed to ask 3 times...3! If they don’t forgive you after the third time, you’re off the hook and the ‘sin’ is on them - as long as your request for forgiveness was sincere. 

So, you can’t go ask your sister to forgive you for borrowing her clothes without permission if you know in your heart that you’re probably going to do it again - that’s not sincere repentance. If you know that your little brother is going to be annoying again, and you will probably give yourself permission to call him names, asking him to forgive you for calling him a doofus just doesn’t cut it as doing teshuvah!

Teshuvah - returning is hard. Tanta Golda’s advice is, if someone comes to you to ask for forgiveness, think about how much it took for them to come to you, be a mench, and forgive them.

L’Shanah Tova Tikun Tevu! May you be written in the Book of LIfe for a good year! TG