How Many Days Does One Sit Shiva?

 Dear Tanta Golda,

After a recent Friday night service, my friends and I got to talking about sitting Shiva. They both agreed that one sits Shiva for 7 days, but after my mother passed away, her rabbi told me that one only sits Shiva until Shabbat, so that if someone passed away on a Thursday, then you stopped sitting Shiva on Friday night. Who is right?

BB

Darling BB,

You hang out with brilliant people – one does indeed sit Shiva for seven days. Shiva literally means seven. I wonder if perhaps you’re confusing the prohibition of sitting Shiva on Shabbat with ending Shiva altogether. 

According to tradition, one does not sit Shiva on Shabbat – in fact Halacha (Jewish law) goes so far as to prohibit it, and specifies that mourners are to go to the synagogue in the first Shabbat following a loved one’s death.  (The Jewish Home) However, once Shabbat ends on Saturday evening, one returns to sitting Shiva. So, it may be that you misunderstood the rabbi’s instructions. In the aftermath of losing someone we are not always at our listening and comprehending best. And he may have presumed you knew this already and didn’t bother to explain further.

There are several holidays that also preempt the sitting of Shiva since the mitzvah of observing them supersedes everything else (except health and safety.) These holidays are: Pesach, Shavuot, Sukkot, Rosh Hashannah, and Yom Kippur.  It is best to check with your rabbi for the specifics because it’s not as simple as it sounds.

All of this however does not mean that anyone expects your grief to just vanish. Judaism tries to balance the need for grieving with the importance of easing one’s way back into the world. The rabbis knew that without guidance, some people would become so distraught that they would wallow in their grief and forget to go on with life.

Judaism breaks mourning up into several periods after Shiva. They are: Sholoshim – the 30 day period after the funeral - one is supposed to return to work or school, but refrain from going to parties or other celebrations– who feels like going to a party so soon after a loss anyway? Next comes Shanah. For the eleven months following the funeral a mourner says kaddish daily. After eleven moths the family goes to the cemetery for the unveiling of the headstone. At this time one is supposed to go be ready to fully participate in life cycle events – including marriage. Personally, Tanta Golda couldn’t see being ready to get re-married after eleven months, but then again, she is blessed with a very happy marriage. 

I hope that it is a long time until you need to sit Shiva again

Much love - TG

Do Jews Use Letters for Numbers--or Aleph-Bet Math?

 Dear Tanta Golda,

I’ve heard that the letters of the Hebrew alphabet also stand for numbers. How does this work? I mean if I want two fish do I ask for bet dag? How would I write the number 21? 

A budding Hebrew scholar

Scholar, Oye, a mother’s dream, a Hebrew scholar…well okay, a Hebrew scholar who’s a doctor, for this I’d kvell!

You ask such a wonderful question! Yes, each letter has a numeric value. However, you must bear in mind that any family letters share the same value. This means that both bet בּ and vet ב are symbolic of the number 2, pey פּ and fey פ are both worth 80, and shin שׁ and sin ש 300. Final letters have the same value as their non-final counterparts (mem מ and final mem ם are both worth 40) The numeric  values go from 1 (aleph א) to ten (yud י), then increase by tens (kaf כ is 20, lamed ל 30) until 100 (kof ק) with the rest going up in increments of 100. For a chart you can go to: www.jewfaq.org/alephbet.htm This is at Judaism 101, a wonderful site for many of your Judaic questions.

When written this way they have a cumulative value. That is to write the number 21 you would write from right to left kaf aleph - 20+1. You would not just write bet aleph. Usually the number with the highest value is written first, followed by the number of the next highest value, and so on. So, 248 - the number of positive mitzvot that God gave us - is written רמח resh mem chet  200+40+8. (There are two exceptions to the rule of using the letters of the highest value when writing numbers: 15 & 16 are written with as 9+6 and 9+7 respectively, since using the highest possible value letters - 10+5 & 10+6 would each be a name of God.)

 In modern Hebrew even in erezt Yisrael (the land of Israel) the decimal system of Hindu-Arabic numerals (1,2,3) are used. Hebrew numbers are used mainly for writing the days and years of the Hebrew calendar (not the secular one we all use), for references to Jewish texts, for numbering lists - much in the same way we use Roman numerals, and in numerology. You may notice in many Tanachs that the line references use the aleph-bet number system.

Now my scholar, you asked about how you would ‘ask’ for two fish. For speaking counting numbers are used. For example: Ehad - one (you may remember hearing this in the Shema) shenayim - two, shelosha - three. If you ever sang ehad a mi o deya  in Hebrew during Passover, you sang these numbers!

Now, there is a system of Jewish mysticism called the Gematria which delves into the ‘hidden’ meaning of words based on their numerical value. Tanta Golda isn’t going to go into this other than to point out that the letters in the word ‘chai’ - life, are chet yud which added together are 18. This is why many gifts are given in denominations of 18!

And, while you didn’t ask, the number 13 has no negative connotation in Jewish tradition. Thirteen is the age of B’nei mitzvah, we have Rambam’s 13 principles, and the 13 attributes of Mercy are mentioned in Exodus!

Keep up your scholarly pursuits! Love - TG